I'M BACK BITCHES!

First of all. I'd like to start of with a big BYAHHHH! (who ever said Howard Dean never contributed to society). I've had a lengthy absence from the blog scene, for which I beg you to accept my profuse apologies. However, like a female, I will express the polar opposite viewpoint and tell you that I couldn't care less about what you think, so take a long walk...(my apologies if you're a rational, sane female reading this) [insert sarcastic laughter here]. Now that I think about it, I should have ended this right after the first sentence. Some things you can expect from my upcoming entries:

• How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
• Who is responsible for pumping up J-Lo's ass every morning and why can't they do the same for her talent (or lack thereof)?
• How does Pdiddy get such soft hands?
• Why is it that every time NASA tries to do something big, they always fail? More importantly, why don't they try to fail and therefore succeed every time?
• Why are you thinking "where the hell does he come up with this shit" when you are reading a blog entitled Random Shit No One Else Thinks About?